Transitioning A Child to College
By Jay D. Tarnow, M.D.
My youngest daughter, who has learning disabilities and ADHD, is a senior in high school. My wife, daughter, and I have just finished the process of finding the right college for her, applying, and accepting the college offers. This has been a long, time-consuming process that started in her junior year.
In truth, it started long before that. We began our process in 8th grade when we realized that her school was not adequately preparing her for college. Because of her ADHD and LD, her needs were different than those of many high school students. Our first assessment was to analyze what had she needed in high school that would address her specific needs. One of the areas we focused on was self-management (no surprise there!)
College requires a great deal of autonomy and self-control. Did she know how to study, take notes, and keep track of her things? Being accepted into a college is only the beginning. Staying in college and graduating in a reasonable amount of time is the real goal.
As she entered high school, her mother and I began to focus even more on helping her hone the skills that would help her succeed once she was in college. The school’s job was to help her learn the material, but who teaches her the self-management skills? The parents, that’s who! How could she make it in college if she couldn’t get up on time in the morning, or to be at school on time?
In her junior year of high school, we started to stop off at the local colleges near our vacation spots. We wanted to give her some idea of what colleges looked like—the feel of college life. We visited big schools, medium-sized schools, and small colleges. This turned out to be an essential experience because she originally wanted to go to a large university until she experienced it. “How will I learn with hundreds of kids in the class? How will I talk to the teachers about my questions?” We were excited that she now knew her learning style and her needs. It went from fantasy to reality! Since we had traveled to different parts of the country, my daughter became aware of what climate and cultural desires she had.
The process of choosing a college can be daunting. It can become an emotional journey where the student matures, defining their desires and needs. This process can help a teenager develop so they will be ready for college. In order to be successful in college, they need to know who they are? What do they stand for? What needs do they have? What are their morals and values? Yes, college does clarify and deepen these issues, but the present day rigors require a good base.
As we went through the process, we learned how important it is to simply talk with your teenager about their needs and desires. They don’t need to have answers right away, but they do need the questions to think about. We also had to fight the urge to pressure our daughter to go to the “best” school. The best college for any child is the one that fits their needs, not the needs of their parents.
The whole time we were going through the process of looking at colleges, we kept revisiting the question of whether our daughter was truly ready for college. She is, but it is a question that all parents should look at because getting in to college is only half the battle. The real test is succeeding once they are there. One thing is for sure—If your teen can’t apply for college themselves, then chances are they won’t make it through. Yes, they will need directions and support during the application process, but much of college is about filling out forms, reading and following instructions, and writing essays. If going through the admissions process requires constant supervision and intervention, you have to ask yourself who is going to do that for the child once they are away at college.
As I have learned through personal experience and my professional practice, the process of selecting a school for a child with learning issues, whether a college, high school or elementary school is a complicated process. The Tarnow Center has recently added a specialist in this process to its staff. Please read the article on Patti Murphy on page ?. Her expertise in finding the right school for each child is enormously valuable and the Tarnow Center is please to have her on board.