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“You’re worrying me to death”, “You’re going to ruin your life”, “You’re going to wind up dead or in jail”!  Do any of these statements sound familiar?  As a concerned parent, you may find it difficult to get through to a teen who is participating in challenging, perhaps dangerous and/or addictive behaviors.  The question is, does this type of communication result in the change you are looking for?  Does your teen give in, say “yes, you are so right!” and change their behavior for the better?  Or, are you met with denials, arguments, promises to do better and then right back to the status quo?

The fact is that behavior change tends to result from one person deciding to change and that is the person themselves.  The goal is to motivate someone to make a change for their own good reasons.  So, how do we communicate with a teen in a way that encourages them to identify their own reasons to change?  Motivational Interview (MI) is a powerful technique that allows you as a parent to meet your teen where they are and get them talking rather than defending his/herself.   MI elicits change talk wherein the teen identifies reasons to modify their behavior for their own good.  By asking questions that are free from judgment, the teen has the ability to talk about the good and bad elements of their behavior and consider alternatives.

When using Motivational Interview the two most important things to do are:

  1. STOP trying to motivate your teen by telling her about your feelings, thoughts or reasons for change.  Expressions of anger, blame and identifying all of the reasons why the behavior is dangerous simply shut down communication and put your teen on the defensive.  It’s exhausting for both of you and doesn’t encourage change talk from your teen.
  2. START asking your teen questions that are designed to elicit change talk.  For example, if your teen is using marijuana you might have a conversation like this:
  • Start by saying, “While I’m very concerned about your marijuana use, I know it’s ultimately your decision whether you choose to stop or accept help.”
  • Ask, “What would have to happen for you to stop or get help to stop?”
  • Ask, “Have you ever done something you regretted while using marijuana? What was it?”
  • Ask, “On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is not ready at all to 10 being completely ready, how ready are you to make a change in your use? Why did you pick that number?  What would it take for you to go one or two higher?
  • Ask him/her why they didn’t pick a lower number.
  • Reiterate the good answers AND ignore the bad.  Remember, this is about getting your teen to talk about the possibility of behavior change.

This approach is a vast improvement over heated arguments, shaming and conversations that end with slamming doors, hurt feelings and ultimately no behavior change.  It steps out of the argument and gets your teen talking rather than defending.  Of course, this is a difficult process as you are the parent and are emotionally involved with your teen.  A calm, detached approach can be challenging and you may find it difficult to ignore some of the negatives you are hearing.  Additionally, the next question may be “So, what’s next”?  Perhaps your teen is ready to make some change to their behavior but doesn’t feel confident that they can do it on their own.  Perhaps you as the parent believe they need the help of a therapist.  Motivational Interview is a complex technique that a trained therapist can utilize to help your teen increase motivation to change, increase awareness of both the pros and cons of their behavior, strategize change, follow up to maintain behavior change and manage set backs.  While the topic has focused on change to marijuana use, this technique can be utilized for any behavior that results in negative consequences for your teen.  If you are struggling with your teen about drug use or any other risky behavior, it is important to obtain an evaluation to identify obstacles to change before the behavior escalates and causes long term negative consequences.

If you would like additional information or would like to schedule an appointment to discuss a concern you have, please  call us at 713-621-9515.

The Tarnow Center knows that the COVID-19 pandemic has brought on new obstacles for families.  There is increased stress related to being quarantined, financial implications, and children doing school from home.  We wanted to provide a list of resources that could help during these challenging times.  If you need more assistance or have any questions, please reach out to our office (713.621.9515)

 

American Psychiatric Association Coronavirus Resource

 

Mental Health Resources:

  • Free COVID-19 Mental Health Support Line via Texas Health and Human Services,
    • available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 1-833-986-1919
  • Memorial Hermann Mental Health Crisis Clinics, 713-338-6422
  • Texana Crisis Hotline, 1-800-633-5686
  • Tri-County Crisis Hotline, 1-800-659-6997
  • Gulf Coast Center Crisis Hotline, 1-866-729-3848
  • Text Crisis Hotline, Text “Start” to 741741
  • Crisis Hotline, 1-832-416-1177
  • Suicide Hotline, 1-800-784-2433
  • Teen Talk, 832-416-1199
  • Teen Talk Text, 281-201-4430
  • Trevor Lifeline, 1-866-488-7386
  • Trevor Text, Text “Start” to 678678

 

Resources for Financial Assistance: 

 

Food, Bills, Rent

  • United Way 1-866-211-9966/ 713-957-4357
  • One Fair Wage Emergency Fund
  • Wellness Relief Fund
  • Texas Workforce Commission
  • Leveler
  • Rent Assistance
  • CrowdSource Rescue
  • Alliance of Community Assistance Ministries
  • Catholic Charities 713-526-4611
  • Disaster Housing Assistance Program 1-866-497-6036
  • Emergency Aid Coalition 713-522-5903
  • Red Cross 713-526-8300
  • US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) 713-718-3199
  • Houston Public Works 713-371-1400
  • Coalition for the Homeless 713-379-7514
  • Gulf Coast Community Services 713-393-4700
  • Harris County Community Services 832-927-4955
  • Boys and Girls Club of Greater Houston
  • Cy Hope 713-466-4673
  • Houston Charity Center 713-433-0334
  • Houston Food Bank
  • Mattress Mack, Gallery Furniture 713-694-5570

 

Financial Assistance Specific for Restaurant and Hospitality Industry Workers

  • Southern Smoke Foundation
  • Restaurant Opportunities Centers United
  • Restaurant Workers Relief Program at Riel Restaurant
  • Another Round, Another Rally
  • Lift Your Spirits
  • One Fair Wage
  • Children of Restaurant Employees (CORE)
  • The Dining Bond Initiative
  • Go Tip Em
  • Bartender Emergency Assistance Program

 

Financial Assistance for Small Businesses 

  • Texas Travel Alliance
  • U.S. Small Business Administration
  • Facebook Small Business Grants Program

 

Free Internet for Students Who Don’t Have Access: 

  • 1-844-488-8398 via Spectrum 

 

 

Free Online Resources for Kids:

 

Educational:

 

Art Class

  • Lunch doodle with Mo Willems weekdays at Noon, central time - http://www.kennedy-center.org/education/mowillems/ 
    • Kids can also send in questions at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. 
  • A large variety of coloring pages for all ages http://www.supercoloring.com

 

Storytime

 

Resource for educational ideas, art and science projects, and projects kids can do on their own

 

 

Virtual Field Trips: 

 

Zoos 

 

Aquariums

 

Nature and National Parks 

  • Virtual Scuba Diving Trips via National Marine Sanctuaries
    • Explore the Florida Keys, Monterey Bay, and the Olympic Coast
  • Canadian Farm Tours
    • Farmfood360.ca
  • Yellowstone National Park
  • Explore Polar Bears and The Tundra
    • http://www.discoveryeduation.com/learn/tundra-connections/

 

World Wonders/Historical Sites

 

Space

 

Museums 

 

 

 

jay tarnow 

Jay D Tarnow, MD

 

There are millions of bacteria on our skin, in our nose and mouth, and inside all of us. Our digestive system alone is home to over 500 different types of bacteria. These bacteria hover inside of our gastrointestinal system and need to remain in homeostasis—the perfect equilibrium. The balance between healthy cells and bacteria keep our bodies functioning properly. Although often feared, bacteria are an essential part of our immune system and help the body fight against intruding cells. The bacteria in the gut help reduce inflammation, fight infections, enhance nutrient absorption and promote optimal bowel health. Recent findings have suggested that some autoimmune disorders are caused by disequilibrium of the bacteria inside of our bodies. Advances in treatment are trying to study bacteria homeostasis and use this to heal infections.

 

There is a recent digestive disease epidemic, including increasing cases of GERD, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Celiac Disease and gluten sensitivities, Diverticular Disease, Crohn’s Disease, Inflammatory Bowel Disorders, GI cancers, Gallstones, and Liver Disease. Our diets are deviating from our ancestors leading to significant nutrient deficiencies. Americans are eating food with an increased glycemic load, which causes insulin surges and blood sugar swings, promoting growth of unfriendly yeast in our bodies. Our diet no longer contains as many micronutrients—essential vitamins and minerals—that perform necessary functions including immune defense.

 

Increased stress puts a strain on our bodies, impacting digestion and absorption of vitamins and minerals. However, the GI system functions beyond digestion. It helps regulate the trafficking of molecules between the different areas of the body through a barrier mechanism. When this barrier system is disrupted, autoimmune and inflammatory disorders may occur. There are several factors affecting the mucosal GI system that lead to barrier dysfunctions, food allergies, and autoimmune disorders. Those factors include dietary proteins, antibodies, pharmaceutical drugs, stress, infections, enzymes and neurotransmitters. An imbalance between any of these factors can lead to immune system abnormalities or autoimmune disorders.

 

The digestive tract is a major source of toxicity in the body. Digestive disorders, inflammation, allergies, eczema, asthma, and irregular eating habits are often interlinked. Patients with Autism Spectrum Disorder usually have abnormalities in their digestive system. In fact, gastrointestinal disorders are among the most common medical conditions associated with autism. Digestive issues can range from chronic constipation or diarrhea to irritable or inflammatory bowel conditions and stomachaches.

 

Recently, scientists have been researching the benefits of adding probiotics into the diet as a way to balance out the bacteria in our bodies. Probiotics are mixtures of bacteria that keep our digestive system functioning properly. Probiotic supplements are essential to maintaining the homeostasis between the good bacteria in our bodies. Good bacteria are found naturally in lacto-fermented foods, which are not eaten as frequently as they should be. Adding in a probiotic supplement will add to the intake of good bacteria that we are not getting through diet alone. Probiotics work to help improve intestinal function by fortifying the strength of the intestinal lining. The lining of the gut acts as a barrier that filters out bacteria entering into the digestive tract. A damaged or porous digestive wall may allow abnormal substances to pass through. Some experts have proposed that toxins produced by abnormal gut bacteria may trigger or worsen autistic symptoms in some children. There is also some evidence that probiotics help maintain a strong immune system. With societies’ focus on cleanliness and good hygiene, there has also been a rise in autoimmune diseases, intestinal disorders, and allergies. When our immune system isn’t exposed to enough bacteria, it doesn’t get to practice fighting off these pathogens. Adding friendly bacteria in the form of a probiotic supplement is believed to challenge the immune system in healthy ways, preparing it to fight off unhealthy bacteria when it is encountered.

 

There are several different types of probiotics available and their health benefits depend on what function they perform in the body. The type of probiotic and dosage depend on age, weight, and symptoms.

Unpublished

The teenage years are hard enough without a pandemic. The pandemic has disconnected teens from their peers. This removes a stage of peer development. Peers lean on one another to teach Adolescents about being part of society. Socialization teaches adolescents how to navigate the outside world. This socialization is essential for adolescent development. It also teaches teens about themselves. What group do they fit into? Who do they want to be? Teens can get a lot of positive and negative feedback from their peers, but feedback is part of growing up. How do you cope with it?


During COVID, many teens are alone without feedback from their peers. They dwell on negative feelings. They are bored. Online learning does not stimulate them enough. For some, it requires skills they have not learned. Some teens are vulnerable because they have a previous condition- AD/HD, learning disorders, autistic spectrum disorder, Tourette’s, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, etc. They need an educational program that includes socialization and special accommodations. Teachers may not know how to help while using online learning. During this time of COVID-19 we need to be extra observant to pick up on problems. How do we do this with at home school? We need to bring these students back to in-person school as soon as possible. Until normalization is possible, we must work with the resources we have. We need to reach out. Counselors should be calling and checking in with students.
Many students who go to school in-person are still mad, depressed, or anxious. They are grieving their previous life before COVID-19. Many teens have told me “I want my life back!” Regardless of their educational standing, all adolescents have been affected in their social life. Without signs of knowing when “normal” may return, this impending doom may seem unbearable. Adolescents should learn ways to help subside these negative feelings.

 

Students should work within this current reality by

  • Socialize in ways that are possible at this time- small gatherings with a 6-foot distance, online time with friends, walks around the neighborhood, etc. Understand that though your social life may seem like it is on hold at the moment, you aren’t alone, and you can lean on your peers.
  • When anxious - ask yourself- is what I’m feeling fact or fiction? Who can I go to to help me feel better? How else can I perceive this situation? Teach yourself relaxation techniques to help cope with your anxiety- start journaling, learn yoga, search breathing exercises online.
  • Treat yourself to things that excite you. Go to your favorite restaurant and stick to COVID-19 regulations; do your favorite workout in an online format; catch up with a friend you haven’t talked to in a while; indulge yourself in a night of self-care; bake a delicious dessert.

During these times, there are many things we have all had to get creative with- how to run businesses, how to stay entertained at home, how to learn in a home setting. Remember that your socialization contributes to your well-being. Make positive mental health a priority.

jay 2

Jay D Tarnow, MD

Unpublished

 soph 2015

 

By Sophia K. Havasy, Ph.D.

Seniors in high school think that the language of launching is: “Where are you going to school?” “What will you major in?” “Are you excited?” “Are you ready?”  Parents think that the language of launching is: “Have you finished your essays?” “Which schools do you want to visit?” “How are your grades?” “What are you going to do without me?” These questions are the dance that young people and their parents do as they get ready for college. They are not the language of launching.

The questions that need to be asked are more like: “What are your goals?” “How are you going to get there?” “If you don’t have goals, what are ideas that you have to figure it out?” “What skills and abilities do you need to develop before you leave home?” These questions are about executive functioning.

The key to successful launching of young adults, with and without risk factors such as ADHD or learning differences, is the development of executive functioning.  According to Jack Naglieri, Ph.D., in a November 2017 APA-sponsored webinar, executive functioning allows us to figure out “how to do what we choose to do to achieve a goal.” Executive functioning involves the frontal lobes and is the last major growth spurt of the brain. It occurs roughly between 17 and 27 years of age.

According to Naglieri, “How you do what you decide to do’ demands … Initiation to achieve a goal, planning and organizing parts of a task, attending to details to notice success of the solution, keeping information in memory, having flexibility to modify the solution as information from self-monitoring is received and demonstrating emotion regulation (which also demands inhibitory control) to ensure clear thinking so that the task is completed successfully.”  These are the skills that comprise executive functioning.

Young people with ADHD and LD are more vulnerable to being derailed by the lack of these skills than their peers with more neuro-typical development. The stakes are much higher when failure occurs in the post-high school years rather than during high school. Society gives much more leeway to high school kids messing up than to young adults messing up. For these reasons, I encourage parents and teens to use high school as the training ground for executive functioning.

There are two parts to Naglieri’s definition: the how of a task, and the ownership of the task. Usually, parents can figure out how to get something done more easily than their teens. The life experiences of adults make many things automatic, making it very easy to tell a teenager how to go about most anything. This can include: how to complete community service hours, the Eagle Scout project, returning a package, doing homework, preparing for the SAT, or completing college applications. It is not important, however, that the parent can take care of these tasks. It is important that the young person takes ownership of the goal and then problem-solves and learns how to go about doing what they need to do to make it happen.

Young adults with poor executive functioning often do not ask for help. After some major failure has occurred a parent will say, “Why didn’t you tell us you needed help a month ago? We might have been able to salvage something. What happened?” The young adult might respond, “I thought I was doing okay. I didn’t know it was that bad.” Or, “I didn’t think of it.” 

The following blog post is printed in the 2018 Houston Branch of the International Dyslexia Association (HBIDA Resource).